Thursday, November 18, 2010

Can I knit the world a sweater?

Sometimes, when I ride the bus, I see women so helplessly undressed that I just want to knit them a sweater to cover up their freezing bodies.

Since I don't have time to knit that many sweaters, at the recommendation of a friend, I'll just post the following suggestions instead:

Six Steps for a girl to determine if she is Dressed

1.  Decide what you are going to wear today.  Will you wear a skirt or pants?  This is a very important decision, as it will determine your level of dressed-ness before going out.

2.  Look in the mirror.  Is your lower half from your waist, to any region below your bum covered (Please note:  The phrase "below your bum" means that the entirety of your bum is covered in an appropriate garment and that no part of your underwear or bum is easily viewable by any person sitting or standing behind you)?  If the answer is yes, congratulations.  You are probably wearing pants (or maybe a skirt, whichever it is, well done!).  If the answer is no, please go to your closet or drawer and pull out a pair of pants or a skirt and try again.

3. Look in the mirror again.  If your pants are very tight and are closed at the toe, please try again.  You are not currently wearing pants.

4.  Check yourself in the mirror one more time.  Do your pants have a waffle-weave on them with a tight knit cuff at the ankle?  Those are thermal underwear.  You are still not wearing pants.

5.  Is your upper half covered in a garmet?  If the answer to this question is no, please put a shirt on the upper half of your body.  If you are wearing a garment, check to see if this garment is, in fact, a bra.  If your garment is a bra, you are not wearing a shirt.  If your bra can be seen through your shirt, you are not a rockstar, please try again.

6.  Check yourself one last time.  Do your pants have penguins in hats? fairies with wands? Snowflakes? Cups of coffee?  You might be wearing pajamas.  But your bum is covered and we can't see your bra.  Feel free to go out.

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